new year's resolution & the future.

I've never really made a new years resolution before..

I spend far to much money every month for the sake of it just because I can.. It really burns a hole in my pocket! So, for my new years resolution I'm going to stop the spending and instead put the money into a savings account. If the moneys not in my pocket I'll be less tempted to spend... It will also help me save up for a deposit for a house. I've worked out that with my wages... if I managed to save 15 grand I could get a mortgage for up too £160,000 but I dont need that much! I think £80 - 100,000 is more than enough for a housey for me and my fella, oh and Jacob Thunderchild when we have him ;)

I also need to save up for our wedding. Im thinking 2013, because we like the number '3' and maybe the 30th May as thats the day we first got together in 2007. I still may buy little bits here and there but I really do need to stop the spending...

Yesterday I started having a huge clear out of all the junk I've bought other the years, that I dont use or wear. I'm going to ebay it all and put the money into the savings account as well. I really want us to have a nice life and house. I want to build him a little studio!

I also want to come out of myself more and stop hiding away. I know Im doing it, and it really pisses me off but I just cant seem to snap out of it. I want to see my fellas band, i want to see old friends. I want to open up and just talk... Im so worried about whats happening to my body though. Its always been there, its just gotten worse as times gone on cause more things keep happening to me. I've started findind lumps on my body, like my legs, in my knee, on my neck. But the one that scares me the most is.... I keep thinking the big 'C' word. I want to tell him but I dont want him to worry. He's got enough on his plate right now! Its contantly on my mind. Hopefully they'll be about to find out what it is and help me be me again... and hopefully I wont hear that word. I want to be the bubbley, smiley, fun, flirty girl i was again. I miss her.

...lets see if I can stick to it and snap out of it soon.